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One day as I was genuinely cleaning the windows wearing only a pair of shorts, I noticed she stopped for longer in her balcony and fiddled with some plants, or was she only pretending, as it just didn't seem natural movements ?Over the next week or so I tried different things and times, and was sure she was looking over at me intentionally, so I decided one day to up the stakes a bit.I had bought a thong and wore that outside whilst cleaning the windows, as she would clearly see my cheeks from behind. Sure enough, there was a much longer pause and her head was clearly facing me as she had a good look, only stopping when I partially turned and walked back indoors, which I could do in a couple of steps without having to look in her direction.I wore the thong for a week when hanging out washing or just walking around slowly catching some sun, then decided to do more.The next time I saw her go outside, I went out to fiddle with my washing, turning it around and bringing some indoors, but. Another part of me said, "Chin up Blanche, dear. Stop crying. You don'twant your son to see you crying do you? Get a grip of yourself woman!Just because your son has turned out like your nasty father doesn't meanyou have to hate or blame yourself for it. You are who you are, like theJessie J song." Well, can I at least make you dinner?" I sobbed trying to put on abrave face."As long as I don't have to eat it in the same room as you."Wow this was close to the Chinese concept of ultimate hatred "not underthe same sky!"I cried again, quietly.We barely spoke to each other for the remainder of the weekend.What I didn't understand at the time was that my son was processing whohe was right now. Whilst he had met his grandfather and known, like Idid, that he was not like him, he had also seen me pretending to be a"normal man" in the past. He had thought I was like my father and that hehimself was different. Now seeing me dressed as a French Maid he hadbeen forced to recognise that I.
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